Shoeaholic No More



March 2014



Why I Love Being Single

Written by , Posted in Relationships

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I love being single, but it goes beyond more than what I save. Being single is a state of mind for me - how about you? via @shoeaholicnomore

From the time I was in daycare, around age 4, I’ve always had a “boyfriend”. Of course, the definition of boyfriend changed over the years 🙂

I was always kind of boy-crazy growing up. Not having a boyfriend in high school was a rarity for me. I even got married at age 19! We had been together for nearly two years at that point.

Without going into details, my marriage was a total sham. We were married in June and by December I had filed for divorce. It was finalized in February. So in less than a year I had gone from engaged to married to divorced. Talk about a whirlwind!

When my ex moved out of our apartment, I found myself in a new situation. I had never lived by myself before. I was scared out of my mind and I was constantly lonely!

I went through a lot of emotional ups and downs that year and my finances are reflective of this. My debt really began during this time period when I began comforting myself with clothes and shoes. I had always loved fashion, clothes and shoes before, but now they were my sold “friends”, or so I thought.

Fast forward about 4 years and here I am now. I am still single and living by myself but some things have changed. I’m no longer meek or scared. I’m stronger and I know myself better now than I ever did before. Some days I feel like the person I was before my divorce and my current post-divorce self would have nothing to talk about if we sat in a room together.

Before, I was afraid of going everywhere and doing everything by myself, but now that is something I treasure. I can make my own decisions without having to consult or consider anyone. If I want to eat ice cream for supper, I can! I really enjoy my independence 🙂

At this point in my life, I don’t ever see myself getting married again or having kids. The frustrating thing about this realization is people’s reactions when they hear this. They say, “You’re still young. You’ll change your mind someday.” Or, “You just haven’t met the right guy.” My mom is the absolute worst about this.

Guess what people? I know myself and I know I don’t want to get married or have kids. OK?!?!

Now, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with getting married or having kids. Some of my best friends are married and are having kids in the near future. I love my friends and I’m sure I’ll love their kids, but it’s just not for me.

This post was partially inspired by two posts by Melanie over at Dear Debt. Her two posts can be found here and here. My favorite part of her posts,

“…it’s expected that women want children. No one has ever congratulated me and said, “You are making such a great financial decision. Good for you for not bringing a child into this crazy world!””

Wouldn’t it be great if people could just accept that everyone is different and what “most women” want is what every woman wants.

Some may think I’m selfish for enjoying the fact that I have no one to answer to and no one to consider in my decisions, including financial decisions, except myself, and truth be told, I guess that is selfish. But that’s why I love being single and I’m not looking to change it!

Note: Did you see that Girl Meets Debt mentioned me again today?! I’m part of the Women’s Power Wednesday post today!

I love being single, but it goes beyond more than what I save. Being single is a state of mind for me - how about you? via @shoeaholicnomore

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Kayla is a mid-20s single girl living in the Midwest, USA. She is focused on paying off her consumer and student loans, while simplifying her life and closet. You can join her on her journey at ShoeaholicNoMore or follow her on Twitter.


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